


The Aftermath of Sirius Black’s prank

by marauderss_hp



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Blood and Injury, Child Abuse, Coma, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-06
Updated: 2020-11-16
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:08:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 13,592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27416263
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marauderss_hp/pseuds/marauderss_hp
Summary: It is the beginning of the Marauders sixth year at Hogwarts and the air is still tense after the prank that Mr Black pulled at the end of the previous year. He wants to fix it but things don’t go to plan when Snape gets his revenge.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 6
Kudos: 14
Collections: Marauders





	1. Chapter 1

The air around him was cold as he walked through the wall to the platform for his sixth year at Hogwarts. It’s the 1st of September 1976. It’s been exactly two months since Sirius was last in contact with any of his friends and he doubts that will end today. He was standing side by side with his brother, only Regulus was as far from him as he could possibly get. It had been a rough summer. Snape was constantly around the Black’s house, doing all he could to gain the trust of Voldemort and, as it seemed, begin his revenge on Sirius for the unfortunate prank that he pulled at the end of last year. He never told his parents about Sirius’s friendship with ‘the halfbreed’, or even mentioned it at all. Sirius believed Dumbledore had given Snape a warning about what would happen if he did, and surprisingly he didn’t. But that didn’t stop him from telling his mother all of the other friends he had, or the stunts that Sirius pulled, some of which were made up solely for the fact that Walburga would punish him harder the more Snape told her. He had looked in the mirror that morning as he began getting ready to head to the station, torso and back black and blue, scars littering his skin, no longer on just his back, but everywhere, the consequences of the cruciatus curse. He had layered as many clothes on as he possibly could, trying to hide as many scars and bruises as he could and ultimately failed. He eventually gave up, doing the bare minimum, knowing nobody would be paying attention to him anyway.

At the end of their fifth year, the school had ultimately turned against Sirius after seeing that James, Peter and especially Remus were not talking or even acknowledging Sirius’ presence. He knew there would be no point making effort if he was going to be ignored anyways. He figured the situation would be the same as their last term, except Sirius wasn’t sure he would be able to manage sleeping in the same dorm with people who hated him. They had all told him that. One by one. Remus said it first, and he had every right to, along with a string of other insults, the worst being that Sirius was more of a Black than he thought. The line thawed in Sirius’ mind, and he often found himself waking up sweating, those simple words running through his head. 

James was next, except he was less willing to say them. It took everything for James to say those words to Sirius and he hadn’t said anything since. Peter, following by example, had mumbled it under his breath, but Sirius had heard it loud and clear. He was hated by the only people who had ever loved him.

And so here he stood, preparing to board the train, ready for the hell that awaited him as he stepped through Hogwarts’ doors. He quickly rushed onto the train, hoping to find an empty carriage. Walking down the aisle side eying every carriage, he stopped for a moment at the familiar one on his right. Inside was his former best friends, laughing wholeheartedly at the events of James’ summer. He looked down for a moment, imagining where he would be right if he hadn't pulled that god awful prank. He imagined himself sprawled over Remus, head in his lap and chocolate in his hand ready to hand over to Remus when he asked. The full moon has been a week ago and although Remus tried to hide it, from where he stood to the side, Sirius could see that he was hurt and in pain still. He knew they were getting worse every month, the older Remus got the more he felt the effects of the moon. He quickly glanced up to look over his friends, well… he didn’t know what they were anymore, but he looked at them individually and rushed past the carriage, missing the way three pairs of eyes followed him and then looked away just as quickly.

Down the far end of the train, Sirius saw an empty carriage and hauled himself inside, locking the door and pulling the curtain over the window. He sat, hands on his knees clawing at his trousers, tears beginning to form in his eyes. He scowled at himself. Why was he crying? He wasn’t the one who was hurt and betrayed so why was he feeling like it. He stopped grabbing his trousers and moved on to his hair instead, pulling it with enough force to rip it but stopping before he did, relishing in the little seconds of pain it gave him.

He heard a knock on the door. He stilled, trying to figure out who could possibly want to talk to him. Slowly, he began to lift the blind up, seeing a worried face glance at him. Lily Evans. He unlocked the door with uncertainty and moved to the other side of the carriage as soon as she could get in. She sat opposite him and gave him a soft, sad smile. He looked at her confused as to why she was here.

“I know I'm the last person you expected to see,” she started, carefully choosing her words. “But I have something to say. I don’t like what you did. At all. You hurt him, the one person who shouldn’t have, and you did. But I also don’t like how they have been treating you. Do they have a right to be mad at you? Yes. But leaving you all on your own…” she broke off looking out the window.

“I...I wanted you to know that I'm here for you. I know you’re probably thinking why aren’t I with Remus? Well Remus has James and Peter on his side and they’re all ignoring you. It’s only fair that you get somebody to check in with you. In no way is this me choosing you over him. But you deserve somebody on your side, Sirius, even if I hate what you did to him.”

With that she left the carriage, leaving Sirius looking after her, surprised and confused. Did he hear her right? She was on his side? Obviously not for the prank but, maybe he still had a friend here after all. He sat back against the seat, in deep thought. He was still deep in thought as the train came to a stop at Hogsmeade station and he stepped off the train. To the side he saw the guys pushing each other as they got off, still laughing. He turned his head. There on the other side of the station were Lily, Marlene, Alice and Mary. They all knew what he had done most likely, and yet they still gave him that same soft smile that Lily had given him earlier. Maybe this year won’t be so bad if he had Lily Evans on his side, believing in him and hopefully helping him put things right. The bad thoughts he had from earlier were suddenly lost in the back of his head, and slowly he began to think positively about what this year could bring.

That all disappeared as quickly as they came, as Snape and his band of Slytherin friends came pushing past Sirius, barging him out of the way, sneering at him. Snape stopped and turned around an evil smirk on his lips as he whispered so only Sirius and his group could hear.

“I’m not don’t with you yet, Black.” and then he was gone. Everyone was gone and leaving the station. But Sirius was frozen in his spot, again deep in thought. Out of the corner of his eye he could see someone turn around as they were leaving and he knew exactly who it was, but he didn’t look up, didn’t want to see the look he got from him. He hoped if he didn’t, Remus would turn back around. He didn’t want to see the glare and the ‘you deserve what is happening to you’ look on his face. He stayed, head bowed, eyes filling with tears as the worst thoughts come to mind about what will happen to him this year.

Oh how wrong he had been. This year most certainly will be bad.


	2. Chapter Two

Walking into the Great Hall always made Sirius feel better, seeing the ceiling and even the teachers made Sirius feel at home again. He looked towards the Gryffindor table, noticing where his friends had filled his space with a fourth year he couldn’t recognise. His heart dropped slightly, seeing them all happy without him there. He swiftly moved his head to see Lily looking directly at him, waving him over. He smiled, and moved over to where the girls were sitting as happily as he could, sitting between Lily and Marlene, the both of them nudging his shoulders and giving him a toothy grin. He let his eyes move over to the Slytherin table, where he could see Snape glaring over at both him and Lily, his brother next to him, sat in confusion at what was currently happening. Sirius looked away fast, not wanting to make matters worse and ended up making eye contact with James, who nudged Remus and Peter and flicked his eyes over to where Sirius was sitting. He could feel the faint blush taint his skin as the three pairs of eyes reached him, and he moved his head down, not wanting to be seen. He could feel Lily tense next to him and suddenly she was whispering in his ear.

“Just eat and talk to us, try to ignore them. All of them. I know you don’t like it but trust me when I say all you need to do is give them time, as much as they need. Things will sort themselves out.” she put her hand on his shoulder and gently rubbed it and suddenly she was looking up at the group of boys with an expression which could only mean to look away and don’t look back.

Sirius raised his head and made eye contact with Mary across the table, who gave him a lopsided smile and kicked his foot under the table. They ended up in an intense foot war, with the girls watching intently to see who would give in first. They both stopped when they heard the voice of Dumbledore bounce off the walls of the Hall, everyone’s eyes moving to him in an instant.

“Welcome back to another magical year at Hogwarts school. As always, the Forbidden Forest is out of bounds for all students. We must also warn students that the Whomping Willow has been acting more violently than normal the past few months and for you all be cautious if heading that direction…”

Sirius blocked out the rest of his speech, his mind focused on the Whomping Willow. His mind went to the events of last year, and suddenly everything was quiet and Sirius was locked into the memory, unable to find a way out. His hands started shaking and he couldn’t control it. Then he heard Alice softly call out his name, trying to be discreet but clearly failing, as many heads turned in his direction, staring directly at him. Sirius hated it. He was suddenly jerked out as people began standing up from their seats, heading to the common room and eventually their dormitories. He began to stand up too slowly and unwillingly, knowing that he had to face his friends now no matter what. Lily grabbed his hand as they made their way out of the Hall, and started telling him about all the fun they would have this year. He wasn’t listening. He was too busy thinking about what would happen the minute he walked through the door of their room. Before he could, they were walking through the common room door and Sirius suddenly stopped. He had memories in every corner of this room. Each with a different marauder. The girls left and went up to their room, each giving Sirius a smile and wishing him a good night as they headed up the stairs. Only Marlene stayed. She moved and stood in front of Sirius, reaching for his hand. 

“This is going to be hard Sirius, you know it’s going to be. I don’t know what happened between the four of you, but I do know from what Lily said that you messed up. So, yes, it will be hard. But I'm here and so are the other girls. Things will get better. You can decide what you want to do about your dorm, stay there or don’t. It’s all up to you. Talk to me, whenever you get to the state you were in during the feast. Don’t let it get like that again, okay?” she said, delicately, trying not to scare him away.

All Sirius could do was nod and muster up a smile, which Marlene returned and then she too was heading up to the girls dorm. She was right. This was going to be hard, but he had no choice but to go up there and see the situation at hand. So he did. Slowly he walked up the stairs, heart beating furiously in his chest, his hands tugging at his hair and straightening out his robes. He reached the door, their initials engraved on, with Marauders written in big bold letters above. At least his initials hadn’t been scrubbed out. But maybe they hadn’t gotten round to doing it yet. He shoved that thought away and took a deep breath. And another. And another. He held his hand out and opened the door.

He nudged it open as slowly as he could without being suspicious, and let his eyes roam the room quickly before looking down again. They were all sitting on Remus’ bed, clearly waiting for him to arrive. They all looked up at him, waiting to see his next move. He went over to his bed, trying to stay clear of Remus’, pulling his robes and tie off, and went to remove his shirt when he suddenly stopped. Scars. Bruises. He felt them eyeing him, wondering why he had stopped, but he hadn’t let this take over his thoughts. Picking up his pyjamas, he walked quickly over to the bathroom, closing it and locking it, turning so his back was flat against it. He heard the whispering voices of his roommates, and as much as he desperately wanted to hear what they were saying, he blocked them out and changed. He turned to the mirror, doing a double take when he saw the face looking back at him. He looked terrible. He turned the taps on the coldest he could get, and splashed his face once, twice, three times. He sighed, and let his head fall against the sink. He wasn’t sure whether he could handle this. He knew it would be difficult, he told himself over and over that it would be. But now that it was happening, he saw just how bad he had made things. He took another deep breath and brushed his teeth, trying his best to ignore the mirror in front of him. He picked up his pile of clothes and decided to fold them neatly, one way and then unfolding them and folding them another way. Anything to pass the time and distract him. After folding his shirt for the fifth time, he realised he was drawing this out for far too long. He picked them up, unlocked the door, and walked out back into the room.

They had all gone back into their own beds, he assumed, but he wasn’t sure as all of the curtains were closed around each of the beds. His shoulders slumped slightly and he trudged over to his bed, placing his clothes on top of his trunk and his wand on the side table. He then just stood. He looked awkward, he knew he did, but he wasn’t sure what happened now. Sighing quietly, he sat on the edge of his bed, his hands softly stroking the quilt and he shifted so he was laying down on top of the covers, his hands joined together on top of his chest. Minutes past by, that felt like hours. He eventually turned and looked at the clock on the wall Remus had made in third year with a picture of them all together as the face. 12:17. He huffed and sat up, using his wand to summon a little flicker of light at the end. He decided that he wasn’t going to get any sleep, not looking at all of these curtains anyways. He stood and stretched, his aching bones cracking as he leant over and slipped his shoes on, bending down and tying them. He slowly made his way over to the door, abruptly stopping when the floorboards creaked under his weight. He heard someone shuffle and held his breath, praying that nobody would wake. After a few moments of silence he continued to make his way to the door, opening it and slipping out, missing the pulled back curtain and look he got from the boy in the bed next to his own.

He finally made his way up the final flight of stairs and stood in front of the huge wall at the end of the corridor. He closed his eyes and began imagining his perfect room. I wish to be somewhere that can calm me down and forget my thoughts. He opened his eyes at the noise of the door forming and pushed it open, stepping through to the unknown room. He scoffed and rolled his eyes as he took in what the magical room had presented to him. There, in the centre, was a grand piano. It was ironic, really, the one thing he hated as a kid is now the only thing that can help him forget reality. He looked around the rest of the room. In the corner was a bed, small but cosy looking. The side opposite had a fireplace on the wall, with big armchairs...well armchair in front of it and a coffee table next to it. He smiled softly, almost sadly, as it became clear that he was destined to be alone. He walked towards the centre of the room and rolled his eyes yet again. The piano was the exact replica of his and Regulus’ that sat in Grimmauld Place. He ran his hand over the keys and took a seat, letting his hands begin playing a piece he wasn’t sure he could even remember, letting his hands regain the feel of the piano, surprisingly becoming calmer with every note that he pressed. By the end of the piece, he was out of breath, but he wasn’t quite sure why. He placed a hand over his heart and closed his eyes, letting out a soft laugh. He got up from the stool, running his fingers over the keys one last time before moving over to the fireplace. He decided to ignore the chair and sat on the floor directly in front of the fire, the heat hitting his cold skin instantly. He felt immediately better in a way and let his eyes follow the flames as they danced around in a beautiful rhythm. He checked the clock on the wall. 2:32. He figured that he may as well attempt to get some sleep, considering he had transfiguration in a few hours and the last thing he needed was McGonagall down his throat. He moved to the bed and was disappointed. It was not nearly as comfortable as it had looked from the door and he wasn’t sure how much sleep he was going to get. He laid down and covered himself with the quilt, closed his eyes and tried his best to sleep.

He opened his eyes a few hours later, not wanting to but knowing he had to if he wanted to make it to class on time. He checked the time to see he still had around 15 minutes of breakfast left but he just shook his head. He wasn’t going to go this morning, even if he did have time. It just wasn’t worth seeing the looks he got if he did. So he slowly made his way to the transfiguration classroom and knocked on the door after staring at it for a few minutes. He knew McGonagall left breakfast 10 minutes before the end in order to set up for class. He straightened up as he saw the door handle twist and bowed his head as he saw McGonagall’s shoes enter his vision.

“Mr Black. To what do I owe this visit so early on a Monday morning?” she sharply said, peering at him through his classes. “I don’t remember seeing you at breakfast either, why was that Sirius?” she asked him.

He just shrugged not having a good enough answer and not in the mood to muster up an excuse. 

“Please can I come in, Professor?” he quietly asked, his eyes still trained on the floor. He heard her take in a breath slightly, surprised by his formality and lack of attitude.

“Of course, Mr Black. Choose where you wish to sit, but I warn you now, if I see any silly behaviour between you, Mr Potter, Lupin or Pettigrew I will move you.”

“Don’t worry, you won’t have to worry about that anymore.” he muttered, not wanting her to hear him. But when she stopped, he knew she had heard him. He moved to a seat before she could question it, opting to sit at the back right where there was the only single seat in the class. He heard her mumble something and watched her walk back to her desk. He pulled out his parchment, quill and ink pot and sat back in his chair, drumming his fingers softly on the table, looking down. He heard the rest of the students enter the room and he looked up slightly so nobody could see him looking. He saw the boys head to their usual seats and could feel their stare on him as he looked at the rest of the class. In front of him sat his guardian angel, handing him a slice of toast and an apple. He gratefully took it and shot his red-haired friend a genuine smile as she stared at him and watched her back as she faced the front of the class. It droned on, and for once in his life he took notes when he was supposed to and listened to McGonagall. When she asked him a question, everyone turned to face him when instead of his usual sarcastic answer, he shrugged and said he didn’t know. He knew the answer, it was a simple question, he just didn’t want to draw anymore attention to him than necessary. The end of class neared and they began clearing away their desks and he heard McGonagall call out his name. The other students quietened down to hear what she had to say but not wanting to make it obvious.

“Mr Black… please stay at the end, there is something we must discuss.” she said and turned back around to clean the chalkboard with a simple cleaning spell and began sorting through papers on her desk. 

Everyone quickly glanced at him as he agreed and then everyone began filtering out of the class. Lily and Mary turned to him, telling him they’d wait for him, but he declined telling them he would be fine and they should go without him. They looked at each other and then back at him nodding and each gently rubbing his shoulder as they walked past him.

“Yes, professor?” he asked, making his way over to her desk before she asked him too. She looked up and moved the papers out of the way resting her hands on top of each other.

“What is going on with you, Mr Black, and don’t say you don’t understand. I saw last night that you weren’t sitting with your friends and now you're not sitting with them at all. Is this because of the events that happened last term?” she asked, softer than she had spoken before.

He flinched slightly at the mention of the prank and looked up at her. He took a deep breath and said “I appreciate your concern Professor, but I am fine really. Or at least I will be. Thank you, but I must be going to Potions.” He spoke in a way he had only ever spoken when he was introduced to one of his parents' friends, and he hated himself for it. As he turned around to head out the door, his face wrinkled with disgust at his words and opened the door, missing the look of concern his Professor gave him as he shut it again.

The rest of the day flew by, Sirius doing the same in every class, sitting in the spot where there was only one seat, a requirement of classes. He went to the library at lunch, despite Lily’s protests and tried to get some extra reading in. This year was an important year after all, with him failing the majority of his OWLs last year. He couldn’t afford to fail anything else and give his parents another reason to hate him. In anybody else’s eyes the first day of school is far too early to start revising, but Sirius didn’t know how long he could keep up this show of being alright. He knew he would eventually crack and not show to classes anymore, so he should prepare for that to happen sooner rather than later. He left the library and headed to the dormitory whilst he knew nobody would be there. Or rather he thought. As he stepped in he didn’t see the other person sitting on their bed and he gathered his trunk and the rest of his belongings, levitated them and turned to leave.

“What are you doing?”

He froze and slowly turned around looking at Remus’ bed, at Remus. He cleared his throat and mumbled a response just loud enough for the other boy to hear.

“I’ve decided to stay in the Room of Requirement.”

Remus only nodded in response and went back to his work. Sirius’ shoulders sagged slightly, but he picked himself back up and left the room, bumping into James on his way down the stairs, but he kept going not looking back and picked up his now fallen trunk and heaved it out of the room, not seeing the look that he was given by his ‘best friend’. He reached the Room of Requirement and this time wished for a dormitory for one. He opened the door and his eyes widened as he saw what the room had given him. His new bed sat comfortably in the corner of the room, a dresser to the side of it and a familiar fireplace on the opposite side. And yet again in the centre of the room was the same piano that had been presented to him the previous night. A desk was against the wall where the door was and Sirius moved his belongings and began sorting through them, through dinner, until there was a knock on the door. Confused, he opened the door and found Marlene on the other side, holding a plate of food in front of her, a glass of water hovering beside her.

“Here, I brought you dinner,” she said, thrusting it into his hands.

“You didn’t have to do that, Marlene. I’m not hungry anyways…” he began but was swiftly interrupted.

“You are going to eat it, Sirius. You weren’t at lunch either,” she said, strongly. Her tone then changed. “I won’t watch you waste away, none of us will. Please eat it.”

With that she left, leaving Sirius at the door smiling after her, grateful for the four angels that he had been blessed with. He closed the door and began eating the dinner that had been prepared for him, taking a break from his studying for just a moment.

This cycle went on for two weeks. He never went to any meal times and was always brought food from one of the girls and was walked to class with at least two. So far Snape hadn’t tried anything. He was always on edge though, ready for when he finally decided to strike. Unfortunately for him, it just so happened to be the day where he was alone in an abandoned corridor in the dungeons. 

He was never prepared for what was about to happen to him.


	3. Chapter Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: there is mentions of being attacked and blood so please don’t read if you’re not comfortable.

It was a nice, clear Tuesday night and Sirius was on his way back from a walk with Lily from the Astronomy Tower, the two of them laughing over an inside joke that had been discovered over the two weeks they had been back. It was late and they had double Charms in the morning and for Sirius it was a long trek back to the Room of Requirement. They reached Gryffindor Common Room and Sirius bid Lily a goodnight, not wanting to risk going inside and seeing the people who didn’t want him around. As he was making his way back up the stairs, he abruptly stopped and groaned, running his hands across his face. With a sigh he started walking back down the stairs towards the dungeon to grab his forgotten potion textbook from last lesson. He checked the time on the watch Remus had given him for his birthday and groaned again. It was 11:47 and he just wanted to go to bed.

As he made his way out of Slughorn’s class he turned down the dark corridor going the opposite direction he needed to go in. He had made himself wide awake again and didn’t want to head back to his room just yet. He didn’t hear them at first, but it soon became apparent that there were footsteps behind him, following him down the dark corridor. He quickly grabbed his wand and sent a patronus message to Lily that Sirius was to send if he was ever in trouble and alone.

He tried to walk faster, keeping his head down desperately trying to get away from the dungeons and the group behind him. He saw the light shine from around the corner and he was so close to rounding it, hearing voices of other students. But he never made it that far. Suddenly he was pushed against the wall, the air knocked out from his lungs and he was heaving, desperately trying to regain his breath. He looked into the cold eyes of Snape, who was pushing him further into the wall, his wand pushing into his throat and a hand gripping his shoulder with a bruising force. He could the start of a cold smirk form on Snape’s lips and a thousand thoughts flashed through his head. Snape’s grip tightened impossibly harder as he began to speak.

“You tried to kill me last year,” he started in a horrible, low voice. “I think it’s time for you to get the same treatment, don’t you think?” 

He cocked his head to the side and threw Sirius down to the floor on the other side of the corridor. He bent down and ripped Sirius’ head up by his hair, Sirius crying out in pain at the sound of his hair ripping. He heard a mumble of a spell and before he could cover himself, he felt something drop to the floor next to him in chunks. His heart dropped lower and lower as his hands went to feel his precious hair laying on the floor, one hand travelling to his head, only to feel cursed skin. They had cursed off his hair. Before he had time to process it, he felt a sharp kill to his stomach, making his push onto his back, heaving and coughing up blood, as Crouch Jr, Snape and Rosier continued to kick him and step on wherever they could. He could feel his eyes swell as one of them got a hard hit on his face, the crack of his nose and split lip making tears form in his eyes. He heard them laugh as the tears began dripping down his face, mixing with his blood leaving red tracks down his cheek and onto his neck. They suddenly stopped and he heard Snape whisper something to the group before they all turned and stared at him. His wicked grin returned as they slumped him up against the wall and Snape turned his wand in his hand.

“We won’t curse you...you’ve had enough of that over the summer. But I want to try something out. I’ve been working on a spell, you see, and haven’t had the chance to try it out yet. You can be my guinea pig.” he spat out, before punching Sirius in the side of the head once more.

All Sirius could hear was the ringing in his ear and the mumble of a spell that he couldn’t quite make out. Butt then he felt it. He didn’t know what was happening to him. He looked down and through lidded eyes he saw blood begin to soak through his shirt in lines and ribbons. He began to breathe heavy and the tears kept coming and coming. They stood there and watched as Sirius began tearing himself to pieces. He was sure at this point that he wasn’t going to make it. He felt his head go heavy and his eyes began to drop and he was ready to let sleep overcome him when he heard it. A shout. From none other than his guardian angel herself. He watched for the final few moments as Lily came storming down the corridor and stopped in front of him, tears streaming down her face as she turned to Snape and slapped him as hard as she could. Stunned, he took a few steps back and then left the corridor with the others in tow. She rushed towards him, grabbing his face gently in her small hands and sobbed silently, trying to clear his face of blood but only smudging it more. With a shaky hand she grabbed her wand and muttered as many healing spells as she could but with no avail. She screamed out for help, another sob wrecking her body as she muttered for him to stay awake. With the last of his energy, he reached up to her face and wiped the tears away from her eyes, leaving a trail of blood as he drew his hand away. It only made her scream and cry more. As sleep overtook him, he saw the outline of Professor McGonagall turn the corner and run over to the two of them, and then his vision went black.

Remus’ pov

Remus was sat with James and Peter in the common room, watching as the boys played an intense game of wizard chess, when the door slammed open and in came Lily Evans crying her eyes out, blood covering her hands, face and shirt. Everyone was up instantly trying to calm her and ask her what happened. She took four deep breaths before looking at everyone and saying. 

“S...Sirius was c...cursed by Snape and his S...Slytherin group,” she stammered out, before breathing again and calmly saying, “they cursed off his hair and used a spell invented by Snape on him. His body was tearing itself to pieces…” and then she cut off letting out another loud sob as James took her in his arms and sat her on the couch, her hands clinging to his robes. 

Remus couldn’t move. Sirius was cursed. Tearing himself to pieces. He needed more information. He moved to the couch and sat on the floor in front of Lily, Peter besides him.

“Where is he now, what happened?” he asked her trying not to sound too frantic although he wasn’t sure why he was.

Lily looked up and said in a small voice, “he’s in a coma in the hospital wing. Madame Pomfrey isn’t sure he’s going to make it, she doesn’t know the spell to cure the curse…”

Remus blocked out the rest of what Lily said, he mind imagining Sirius laying in the bed, covered in blood-soaked bandages, unable to wake up. He felt tears run down his cheeks and he wiped them away furiously. No matter how hard he tried not to feel upset, he did. This was so much bigger than what Sirius had done to Remus. He could die. He could already be dead but nobody would know until they came up and told him. Slowly, he rose up from his seat on the floor, hearing James distantly ask where he was going. He wanted to go and see Sirius. Instead, he went up to the dorm room and sat hesitantly on Sirius’ bed...old bed as he now stayed in the room of requirement. He tried to remember the last thing he had said to Sirius. Where are you going? He almost laughed. He hadn’t said more than a sentence to him in three months. He felt his chest painfully contract, and he placed on hand over his heart and looked up, closing his eyes and letting the tears fall again. Please Sirius, God please, don’t die.

He laid back on the bed, blocking out all noise, trying to see Sirius in his mind, happy and healthy. Remus didn’t know what to do. He desperately wanted to go down there and take Sirius’ hand and cry and tell him he forgives him and that he still loves him, wait for him to wake up and take him in his arms. He wants things to go back to the way they did before. He didn’t do any of that. Instead, he got up and sat on his own bed as James walked through the door, furious and watched as he threw anything he could reach at the wall. He then sat on his own bed, head in his hands and screamed a gut-wrenching scream. Remus instantly got up and hugged James as he continued to scream and cry.

“He’s gonna die. He’s gonna die. He’s gonna die.” he kept mumbling into Remus’ shoulder.

“He’s not going to die, James. He’s not. He can’t.” Remus said trying to console him, his voice breaking at the end. “Where’s Lily?”

“She went to the hospital wing. She only left to tell us and she doesn’t plan on leaving until Sirius wakes up.” he mumbled out as he began to tire out from the screaming. 

The only thought in Remus’ mind was the angel that was Lily Evans. She had been there for Sirius through everything that had happened and was still there for Remus too. He sighed, wishing he could take back what he had said to Remus last term, all of it. But he didn’t want to. Sirius had hurt him. He felt awful for it, but he didn’t want to forgive Sirius. And his heart broke.

This wasn’t how things were supposed to be.

Sirius’ pov

It’s strange. He can hear and feel people’s touch, but he couldn’t open his eyes and see what was going on. His body screamed trying to allow his eyes to see but he couldn’t open them no matter how hard he tried to. His body felt as though it was on fire. He could feel the burn of the cuts on his stomach circling around to his back. He tried to move, to sit up but his body wasn’t cooperating. He wanted to cry and scream out for someone to help him, Madame Pomfrey, Lily, Remus, anyone. Instead he felt his body begin to shut down and he fell into another dreamless sleep.


	4. Chapter Four

It’s been a week since Sirius was attacked and he still hadn’t woken up from the coma, despite everything that Madame Pomfrey tried. His wounds had healed but left nasty scars in place, standing out against both the newer ones from the summer, and ones from the past. Snape had been suspended, only for two months to the horror of Lily, Peter and James, who marched straight to Dumbledore’s office and demanded he be expelled for what he did. Dumbledore refused. Lily had never left Sirius’ side, only to go to classes, having someone bring her meals to her. Even then, she only went to the important classes, not wanting to leave him on his own like last time.

James came once or twice a day in between meals and quidditch practice. It was safe to say that he felt terrible about what had happened between them all last year which, in his mind, had led to Sirius being attacked. He would come and talk and talk and talk, despite Sirius not being awake, although Sirius heard it all. He didn’t know that of course. He spoke about classes, quidditch, Lily when she wasn’t there and Remus sometimes too. About how James watched him as he lay there at night, looking at Sirius’ empty bed and then he would promptly roll over with a sniff. He knew that Remus’ walls were breaking down and he was desperate to come and visit Sirius and see just how bad he looked. He felt guilty. They all did. Peter came too, having never wanted to hate Sirius but feeling like he would also be pushed out of the group. He went as soon as Lily had told them the news, sobbing next to Sirius’ ear with his head on his shoulder apologising over and over again. James joined him not long after and did the same thing, the two of them crying over their best friend's bed. Lily came and spoke mainly about school work and homework, somewhere inside her knowing that Sirius could hear them and wanting him to listen to something other than the cries of his friends. More often than not she would end up asleep in the bed next to him, sometimes being woken up by Pomfrey but most of the time she let her sleep, knowing she wasn’t causing any harm.

Remus on the other hand was, well, Remus. He was more stubborn than he cared to admit and found himself outside of the hospital wing, hands ready to push the door open, when he would just shake his head and leave, turning back towards Gryffindor Tower. That’s where he found himself today, turning away from the door, lingering to see if anyone would open it from the inside, a sign that he should be going in. When no one came he turned, in a different direction than normal. He stopped outside the huge vast wall and thought to himself for a moment. What would he have said? He closed his eyes and wished, hoping it would reveal the right place. When the wall started transfiguring, he opened his eyes and pushed the door, shocked at what lay on the other side. Sirius’ room differed massively from the dorm room at the other side of the castle. It was…clean. Everything was put away and hung and folded neatly, just how Remus used to do Sirius’ clothes for him. His heart tugged at the thought and he quickly closed the door and turned to search the room. His eyes stopped on the grand piano in the centre, with a blue hue surrounding it. He stepped forward and touched the keys, expecting them to be cold and untouched, but instead they felt warm, and he saw sheet music on top. He picked them up and filed through them, at this point confused, remembering how Sirius had told him how much he had hated the piano growing up. Why would he play it again? Not wanting to stoop through any further, he surveyed the rest of the room, taking note of the messed up cushions and blanket near the fire, transfiguration books sprawled around and a Sirius sized dent on the floor beneath the endless amounts of blankets. He smiled softly at the thought of Sirius concentrating on his work in front of the fire, his brows furrowed and his tongue slightly poking out the way it did when he was concentrating. 

He turned his attention to the desk in the far corner, surrounded by a light orange light coming from the lamp which had turned on when he entered the room. He saw a board above it covered in notes and pictures and drawing. Carefully, he looked at each one. There was a picture of Sirius and Regulus from when they were little and he recognised it as the one Sirius used to have on his side table. Next to it was a photo of Lily and Sirius, taken presumably this year, both of them pulling funny faces at the camera, making him laugh. The next few were pictures of the Marauders through the years, almost like a timeline. What caught his attention, however, were all the photos of him that he didn’t know Sirius had. There were photos of Remus in front of the fire writing in his notebook, Remus sat near the lake, laughing at something Peter had said, and one he guessed was taken by James of him staring at Sirius, a soft smile on his face, looking the calmest he had ever been. The final one, the biggest and a wizard photo , was a selfie from last year, Remus and Sirius’ faces pressed against each other, laughing and smiling at each other, Remus leaning in to kiss Sirius’ cheek. He felt tears drip down his face, and he snapped out of his memories and wiped his face, looking down. He went to leave when something on the desk caught his eye. It was an envelope with his name on. With shaky hands he picked it up and broke the seal, taking out the letter from inside. He took a breath, closing his eyes before reading:

Dear my moon Moony Remus,

As much as I wanted to do this in person, I don’t think I would be able to get anything out without breaking down. I’ve said it so many times but I need to say it again. I’m sorry. I don’t expect you to forgive, hell I don’t want you to. I don’t deserve forgiveness. But it would mean the world of you would talk to me, even for a moment, so I could try and say these things in person to you. I know you can never trust me again, I've broken any trust we have. But i’m so sorry for what I did. I never meant to hurt you, never meant for him to even go down. I wish I could say I had a reason for telling him. But I don’t. And that makes me a horrible person. I’ve decided to stay in the Room of Requirement, figuring it would be easier for all four of us, but especially you. I know you don’t want to see me right now, and I respect that. The main reason for this letter is to accompany the package that will be sent to you, containing all of the items of clothing and anything else belonging to you that you have given me over the years. I assumed you might want them back. I’m not sure when I will get the courage to send them back, but I will, maybe not with this letter though. I truly am sorry for what happened and I wish I could reverse the clocks and take it all back, but I know I can’t. I miss you and the boys and I hope you’re not too hurt after everything I’ve done. I’m sorry.

from,  
your star Padfoot Sirius.

Remus choked back a sob as his shaking fingers gripped the letter as hard as possible. He placed the letter back in the envelope and put it in his bag, leaning over and gripping the side of the desk, head down and sobbing uncontrollably. Everything Sirius had said was true. He had broken his trust. He had hurt him. He doesn’t deserve forgiveness. And yet Remus wants nothing more than to go down there and wrap his arms around him, tell him he forgives him and move on with their lives. He sobs and sobs for what feels like days. Eventually, he stops. after having sunk to the ground burying his head in his hands. He decided right in that moment that tomorrow evening he was going to see Sirius. Not to say any of those things, it wasn’t the right time for that yet, no. Just to see him and feel his company again. He misses him too, so much. It hasn’t been the same without Sirius, they all knew it. He got up, his legs stiff, and made his way out of the room and up to the dormitory, planning out what he was going to say tomorrow, if he decided to talk.

Tomorrow came sooner that Remus would have liked. He woke up and continued his day as he would usually but he was quieter than normal, even more than the past few weeks. Occasionally he saw James glance in his direction, shooting him a worried glance, which he tried to ignore. He had decided to go during the night, when he was sure that nobody could disturb him. He knew that Lily liked to stay the night, but she had stayed last night, meaning Pomfrey wouldn’t let her stay tonight, giving him a window of opportunity to visit Sirius. 

The rest of the day flew by and he was laying in his bed waiting for the boys to sleep so he could grab James’ cloak and leave. It had turned 10:58 when they finally went to bed, a lot earlier the past few days as they usually do. He double and triple checked they were asleep before slipping out of bed, grabbing James’ cloak and leaving the room. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Lily open the door to her room, exhausted, but out of the hospital wing. This may be the only chance Remus gets. He made his way down and found himself in the same situation he was in yesterday, hand ready to push the door open but not quite ready to do it. He knew he had to do this sooner or later so as quietly as he could, he opened the door and slipped through the gap. As far as he could see, there was no one here. Pomfrey presumably in her room next door. He made his way past the rows of beds until he reached the farthest one of the left. There, paler than he could have thought possible was Sirius, laying there covered in bandages and quilts to keep him warm. Remus took a shaky breath and sat down in the chair next to Sirius and hesitantly went to take his hand, but then decided not too, resting it beside Sirius' cold one. He couldn’t help the tears that began pooling in his eyes as he saw Sirius, defenseless in the bed where Remus usually lay. He hated it. He now knew how the boys and Lily felt whenever they visited him, looking small in the huge bed covered in scars and bruises. He gasped when he saw Sirius’ head, not a single hair on it and began to cry slightly harder, knowing how upset Sirius will be when he wakes up and finds no hair. He opened his mouth to say something but closed it and instead took off the cloak first, resting it on the back of the chair. He turned his attention back to Sirius and this time let the words flow out of his mouth.

“Um… it’s me, Remus. I don't know whether you can hear me. It’s probably better if you can’t. It will make this a lot easier,” he started and took a breath preparing to say the next sentence, “I...er...I’ve been meaning to come and visit you sooner, I just didn’t know what I would say. I went to the Room of Requirement yesterday…”

He trailed off, thinking over in his head whether he wanted Sirius to know he had invaded his privacy and went to his room. He decided he didn’t want to lie to him, so he pushed down the feelings in the back of his throat. 

“Yeah I went yesterday and found your room. It was surprisingly clean. I was confused about the piano. I wouldn’t have thought you’d want one there after the experiences you’ve had with them. Anyways, I saw the board of pictures. They’re...nice. I didn’t know you had so many of me. They are nice too. I...um, also read the letter that was one the desk with my name on it. Merlin, Sirius. I don’t know what you want me to say. You really hurt me. I can’t lie and say that it didn’t hurt and I’m ready to forgive you because I’m not. But you don’t deserve this, at all. What he’s done to you is cruel and wicked and I’m sorry that it’s happened to you. I miss you too Sirius, I can’t help but miss you. But I don’t know how to have you back into my life after last year. But when you wake up, we can, maybe, try, I don’t know. It won’t go back to the way it was before, but I miss my friend. I do.” he stopped, out of breath and slowly said the next few words.

“I don’t know if i’m going to visit again. Probably not. I don’t know what else to say. But I mean what I said. I want to try and work things out.” he reached out to Sirius’ hand and gave it a light squeeze and stood up, pulling the cloak over his head again. He stood at the foot of the bed for a moment before leaving, going up the stairs to the dorm. He went through the door and placed James’ cloak back into his trunk before laying on his bed. He felt a weight lift off his chest and he sighed, closing his eyes suddenly exhausted and fell into a sleep, dreaming of a dog, stag, rat and wolf and thinking of a spell that can bring back cursed hair.

They’ll be alright, right?


	5. Chapter Five

It’s been a week since Sirius woke up. He was sore and aching but he was awake, that’s what mattered. Pomfrey refuses to let him leave until it’s been another week just to be cautious. So here he is sitting on the same bed he’s been in for two weeks, listening to Lily drone on about Slughorn’s lesson. It’s not that he doesn’t love Lily’s company, he does. He’s just upset that nobody else has come to see him yet. He could hear everyone whilst he was out, he knew everyone wanted to. Why haven’t they? He sat lost in his thoughts, thinking about how they only came to see him because he was injured, when he was brought out of it by a hand pressed gently on his shoulder. He looked to the side and saw Lily giving him a soft smile, a questioning look in her eyes. He could try and get his way out of explaining, but Lily would know. Lily always knew when Sirius was upset. So instead, he answered her silent question truthfully, almost willingly, desperate to know the answer.

“Why hasn’t anyone come to visit me but you?” he asked, his tone soft and sad.

Lily looked surprised at his question and Sirius could see that she was struggling to find an answer.

“I heard everyone...when I was asleep. Everyone came. James, Peter, even Remus. So why aren’t they here now?” he continued, pleading for an answer. He knew that Lily wouldn’t know but he couldn’t help himself.

Lily shot him a confused look. “I know that James and Peter came, but Sirius, Remus didn’t come,” she told him sympathetically.

Now it was his turn to look confused. “But I heard him. He was here, maybe for ten minutes max, but he was here I’m sure. He was!” Sirius said more to himself than her, trying to convince himself that he hadn’t imagined the boy he loved sitting by his bed and telling him they could work things out when he wakes up. Well, he’s awake. Where was he?

“I don’t know when they’ll come, but they will. Believe me. It was easier for them to come when you were asleep, especially because they didn’t know if you could hear them. As I said, give them time. They’ll come around.”

All he could do was nod to everything she said, his heart heavy in his chest. He really wanted them to come. But somewhere in him knew that they weren’t going to. Not yet, at least. Maybe he was making up that Remus was there. It could have been a dream, a really good dream.

It was two days later when James and Peter came to see him. They walked through the doors of the hospital wing, holding a bar of chocolate and butterbeer, presumably from Hogsmeade. He watched as they walked towards him, not meeting their eyes, instead opting to watch their footsteps draw closer. They sat on the chairs next to his bed, placing the chocolate and drink on the side table next to him. He looked down at his hands combined on his lap, the tension unbearable. He flinched as he felt someone’s hand reach out and touch his shoulder, bringing his eyes up to where James’ hand was resting and where Peter was leaning forward in his chair. They both sent him a small smile, quickly glancing at each other, silently deciding what they were going to say. James looked back at him and started speaking.

“Look, I know we left things...weird last year. I’m sorry we didn’t reach out to see how you were feeling. But you have to understand...you messed up and Moony needed us more than you did at that point. We could have gone about it a different way, yeah, but that’s how it had to be.”

Sirius nodded, looking back down. He didn’t know what to say. Everything James said was valid, he knew that Remus needed them more. What can he say to that? He decided nothing and slightly shifted in his bed, looking up at the ceiling, waiting for them to make the next move.

“...If you want to rest...we can come back later?” he heard Peter ask in a soft quiet voice and he willed himself to look over and saw concern in the small boys’ eyes. He looked away again shrugging his shoulders. He heard a loud sigh come from James.

“Merlín, Sirius say something please.” he shouted desperately. Sirius startled, shock clearly written all over his face. James instantly went to apologise but Sirius beat him to it.

“Sorry...don’t know what to say…” he trailed off, glancing at the boys before once again looking away, grateful to see Madame Pomfrey heading his way. After a break check from her, he could hear the boys whispering to each other as he closed his eyes and tried to relax. 

“Well… we’ll just get going then…” they said going to stand up when Sirius quickly spoke back to them.

“Please stay. Not even to talk. It’s...it’s nice, having company other than Lily. I love her but new faces are always nice. I know you’re sorry. I heard you. When I was out. I could still hear things.” he explained this time looking directly at them, almost begging them to stay.

They both looked at him sympathetically, nodding and sitting back down, James reaching over and patting his leg. Sirius smiled at both of them gratefully.

“So...how have you been?” he asked, his smile widening when he saw James’ eyes light up and he began talking about Quidditch, Peter rolling his eyes, a soft grin on his face as they both listened intently to yesterday’s practice.

It had been two days since James and Peter came to see him for the first time, and they had come back both days after, sometimes with Lily, sometimes without. Remus still hadn’t come to see him, but Sirius thought it was understandable; he wasn’t expecting him to come at all to be honest. But he still hoped, prayed even, that he would come eventually. Mainly because he wanted to know whether or not he dreamt their interaction or whether he was actually there, talking to him properly for the first time in months. He sighed and laid back into the pile of pillows pressed up against the uncomfortable headboard of the hospital bed, courtesy of Peter bringing down all of Sirius’ pillows off his bed and one of his own. He teared up slightly at how much his friends cared for him after everything he had done. It was a Thursday afternoon, and he currently had no visitors. The boys were in class and Lily was off with the rest of the girls after Sirius pleaded with her to spend some time with other people and that he was fine, nowhere to go where she would be worried about him. He wasn’t expecting anyone.

Which is why he was surprised when an unexpected visitor walked through the doors and stopped directly in front of his bed, eyes reaching him immediately. Regulus. Sirius opened and closed his mouth multiple times before just shaking his head with an unreadable expression on his face. But Regulus understood it. He was the only person who could read Sirius effortlessly. Well, second person, but Sirius doubted that Remus would ever look at him again to be able to. Lost in thought, he didn’t seem to notice Regulus had moved to the seat beside him until he was waving his hand in front of Sirius’ face, an amused smile on his face. All Sirius could do was roll his eyes, a sheepish smile gracing his face.

“So… what brings you here little brother,” Sirius said finally after minutes of silence, a teasing look on his face. Regulus had a faux shock look on his face as he shoved Sirius, a lot gentler than he would normal have.

“Well, heard you were in here. I had to wait until I could be alone before I could come and see you. They were watching me, thinking that I wouldn’t notice…” he broke off scoffing, Sirius’ smile widening, forgetting how much he missed these moments with his brother. “Anyways, I escaped, clearly, and well here I am,” he stood doing a 360 turn and bowing at the sounds of Sirius’ clapping and hollering. He laughed and sat back down, reaching over and grabbing a sip of Sirius’ water before speaking again, this time looking a lot more serious.

“Sirius… what they did to you. You must know that I had no idea that it was going on. If I did I would’ve stopped it immediately or have come down to you and helped you but I had no idea…” he stopped at Sirius’ hand on his shoulder, rubbing gently as he gave Regulus a stern look.

“Don’t you dare do that to yourself. You are not to blame for any of this. At all. This is all on me,” he put his hand up at Regulus’ protest shushing him silently. “Don't say that it wasn’t. It was and you know it. I started this off, it was me who chose to do that to Snape.” he said confidently. He had already accepted that his fate was his fault. Of course it was. He tried to be discreet about what happened. He wouldn’t be able to live with himself if another person found out about Remus because of him. He couldn’t. He looked over to Regulus shaking his head.

“I don’t care what you did. You don’t deserve to be attacked Sirius!” He was mad. Anyone could tell.

“I tried to kill him, Regulus. He attacked me because I attacked him first. I knew it was going to happen. I accepted that it was going to happen. I’m fine. I’m no longer in pain…” he trailed off at the look that Regulus gave him. “I'm not in as much pain as before. Honestly, this is completely fine,” he stopped again abruptly seeing his baby brother’s face start to crumble and he instantly grabbed it between his hands, worrying eyes searching his face looking for an answer as to why he was crying.

“N...NO YOU DON’T!” he screamed, taking Sirius by surprise and he jolted away for a second before bringing himself back to reality and his brother, who was now sobbing into his hands, a sight that was new to Sirius. 

“Hey, hey, hey. Stop. Please stop crying. I’m okay, Reggie, I promise I’m okay.” he took his brother’s hands off his face and replaced them with his own, cradling it, using the pads of his thumbs to wipe away the tears rolling down his cheeks, he smiled softly at Regulus, and brought their foreheads together and whispered in his ear comforting words whilst letting him get all of his anger and tears out. After ten minutes, Regulus looked up, his eyes exhausted and he smiled at Sirius, pushing their foreheads impossibly closer, a small smile on his face as Sirius made sure to catch his eyes.

“You got that out of your system, eh?” he laughed as he saw Regulus lean back laughter sparkling in his eyes as he launched himself at his brother, falling onto the bed with him, both of them howling with laughter, tickling each other, gently as possible. They both stopped and sat up at the sound of a throat being cleared. It was James, fresh out of the showers, presumably just returning from Quidditch practice, a grin on his face as he saw the two brothers, practically glowing, happy that the two of them were happy. 

“I can come back…” James started but trailed off when he saw the two of them shake their heads, still shaking with laughter. He moved to the seat next to Regulus, bumping their shoulders together. “Hey Reg,” he said softly, pushing their chairs closer together.

“Hey Jamie,” Regulus whispered back, just as softly, both of them smiling.

Sirius glanced between the pair. Him and Regulus were close, closer than Sirius and him were. But Regulus had talked to his brother about the crush he had on his best friend. Sirius was confused at first, but supportive. He didn’t know that the two of them were that close at the time. But he loved that his brother was happy. Of course then there was the James and Lily issue. Sirius knew that James would never stop pursuing Lily, it was a given. These moments, however, between James and Regulus, never stopped. Sirius had a suspicion that James might know his brother liked him. He knew that neither of them were going to act on it, he guessed they had talked about it and decided between them. Sirius didn’t know whether he was happy about that or not. He wanted his brother and best friend to be happy, he thinks they would be cute together. But after five years of suffering through James and Lily drama, he wanted nothing more than for them to finally get their moment. Besides, if he thought about it closely enough, he doesn’t think that Reg would date anybody unless he knew it would last forever. Not that he didn’t think the two of them would, he just knew that right now, it wasn’t the time for them. Nevertheless, he smiled at the pair, looking at each other longingly.

“Hello, yes James nice to see you too, I’m still here!” he exclaimed, dodging out the way when James went to fling himself onto the bed.

“Hello, yes Sirius nice to see you too,” he started mocking Sirius right down to his hated accent. “How are you holding up, everything healing alright?” he asked more seriously this time.

“I’m good, I'm good. Had this little wanker here to give me some company-” he was stopped mid sentence by Regulus launching himself onto Sirius once more, the muffled sound of James’ laughter in the background. 

They straightened themselves out in their chairs and began talking all at once, the energy around them calm and uplifting. They were joined by Peter fifteen minutes later, the short boy pulling up a chair on the other side of the bed, emptying his pockets out into Sirius’ lap, everyone diving straight into the sweet snacks that Peter brought. They talked and laughed for an hour, Lily even joining them towards the end of the hour, tension rising slightly between the trio in question but evening itself out after they all smiled at each other. When Pomfrey came in and ushered everyone away for dinner and to change Sirius’ bandages, he wasn't sure he had laughed so hard in his life. He felt...happy. He had James and Peter back, him and Lily were closer than ever, and his baby brother...was being his baby brother again. Even Pomfrey picked up on his uncharacteristically good mood that she hadn’t seen in months. He just smiled.

“I’m just happy. Really happy.” she looked at him and told him how amazing that was for him. He wished it was the happiest he could be. But he knew he wasn’t. No matter how much he loved tonight, being with all of his friends, all he could do was notice someone missing. Someone who if it had been this time last year, would probably be on the bed with him. Oh how he missed his friend, his love, his Moony, his Remus. So much. Those thoughts and nicknames ran through his mind as he drifted off into another deep sleep, dreaming and praying that when he woke up, Remus would be by his side.

Sirius woke to find Madame Pomfrey hovering over his bed filling up his glass of water. She had grown used to his habits, drinking two sips as soon as he woke up which was at the same time every morning at 7:15. Except today, it was 5am. Strange, he’s never woke up this early before. He looked gratefully at Pomfrey and took the glass out of her hand, taking two sips before hearing her whisper for him to go back to sleep. He did, not needing to be told twice. He drifted back off into a light sleep, annoyed, knowing that anything could wake him up. He was not expecting what did.

An hour and a half later he woke up to something soft and heavy in his hand. He opened his eyes slowly, and they widening seeing Remus sat there, head tilted down and hand in his hand. He didn’t know what to do. Should he say something, let him know he was awake. He settled for gently squeezing his hand, watching as Remus’ head shot up, his eyes immediately finding Sirius’ and he dropped his hand. Sirius’ heart dropped and broke at the motion. He should’ve known better. Remus was still mad at him, as he should be, and based on what Lily and the boys had told him, Remus only visited him in a dream. Nothing had changed between the first day of school and now. Except the fact that Sirius was laying in the hospital bed that was usually taken up by a certain werewolf sitting in the chair where he would normally sit. They just looked at each other, not knowing what to say. Sirius couldn’t handle the silence, so he broke it.

“Hi,” he whispered, almost silently as he watched Remus’ face looking for any sign of emotion, getting nothing. It was clear that he wasn’t going to say anything, so Sirius let out a breath and continued on.

“I didn’t think that you would come. You didn’t have any reason to…” he paused, choosing his next words carefully. “I had a dream about you apparently. But I didn’t think it was a dream, I thought it was real…” he trailed off again seeing confusion spread across Remus’ face before it turned neutral and stoney again. “I...uhm, I could hear people...when I was out. And I thought that you had come to see me. You told me you had seen my new room and… a lot of other things. But Lily said that you didn’t so I guess it was a dream-”

“It wasn’t a dream.” Remus said quietly, looking at him nervously now, clearly not meaning for Sirius to hear everything that he had said that night.

“I’m sorry?” was all that Sirius could muster up, confused now. Why would Lily lie to him?

“I did come see you. In the middle of the night when nobody else was around. I...I didn’t want anyone to know I had visited.” Remus replied in a monotone voice.

Sirius could feel his heart shatter for the second time this morning. He didn’t want anyone to know he had visited. He was ashamed. Sirius nodded understanding and looked down at his hands. He didn’t like sitting still when the air was so uncomfortable so he leant over and grabbed his water, drinking it all as slowly as he could to draw out the time as much as he could. When he realised it wasn’t working, he turned to look at him.

“Why did you come? Why are you here?” he whispered out. He didn’t know why he asked? He didn’t want to know the answer. He heard Remus’ sharp intake of breath and turned his head meekly to look at his face. He looked exhausted. Sirius pitied him, he truly did. He was betrayed by his best friend. Said best friend now lay in hospital, taking all other best friends' attention away from him, who needed it the most.

“I don’t know why I came. I don’t know why I went to the Room of Requirement and went through your stuff, okay! I don’t know!” he huffed out, his blazing eyes staring right at Sirius. For a moment, Sirius began to crouch back, scared by the look and he saw Remus soften his glance. “I...I’m sorry. That’s not how I wanted things to go.” he sighed running a hand through his hair.

“Remus...I’m sorry. Before you say anything, let me continue. Like my letter, yeah? I don’t deserve forgiveness. I don’t. I’m not going to beg for it back or come up with a pathetic excuse about how much this is hurting me or guilt trip you into having to forgive me. Because you shouldn’t. You shouldn’t trust me, hell, you shouldn’t even look at me. Because what I did was so wrong. And this,” he gestured down to himself in the bed, “this I should have seen coming. It was inevitable that Snape was going to get some kind of revenge on me. I deserve it. I do. He’s right, I almost got him killed, intentionally or not, and for that alone I should be punished. Never mind the pain that I put you and the boys through. I’m sorry.” he ended, taking in a deep breath, worried Remus hadn’t understood a word of that with how fast he was talking. Not wanting to find out, he grabbed his wand and filled his glass with more water, facing away from Remus as much as he could. Until he felt a hand on his shoulder.

“I’m not going to say I forgive you or that I trust you or that we’re good. Because we’re not…” Sirius flinched with the brutality of his words, but Remus continued, “But Sirius, fuck, don’t ever say that you deserve to be beaten and cursed because you did it first. It doesn’t work like that. What you did, yes was awful, but that doesn’t mean you should die because it happened. Because guess what it happened! You can’t change the past as much as I can’t change it. We just have to live with it. I don’t forgive you. I don’t trust you. But I can’t handle losing you like I almost did. I don’t want to lose my best friend…”

Sirius blocked out the rest of Remus’ speech. He knew he wouldn’t forgive or trust him, but he wants to talk to him from now on. He felt like the happiest man in the world right now, until he remembered the crucial part of what Remus said. Best friend. Sirius knew they were broken up. He knew that they weren’t together and probably never would be again. That didn’t mean it didn’t hurt. So much to hear those words.

“Sirius...Sirius are you listening to me?” Sirius snapped out of his thoughts when he felt a hand drop into his own.

“Hmm...sorry no what were you saying?”

Remus smiled softly, “I said, I want to learn to trust you again. I want you back in my life. Move back into the dorm, at least for the boys’ sake. It will take time, so much fucking time… but hopefully we’ll get there.”

Sirius smiled back, a true genuine smile. The boys sat there, in comfortable silence for the good part of an hour before they heard the doors opening and a familiar voice call out for Sirius.

“Sirius if you’re not awake I swear to God-oh hi Remus?” Lily stopped in front of his bed, surprise evident on her face as she looked between the two friends. “I didn’t realise you had a visitor, I can come back-”

“Don’t be stupid Lils, come sit yourself down. It's been a long morning and I need the food that is stuffed in your pockets!” Sirius interrupted, needing his other best friend with him. Lily just grinned and plopped down on the bed next to him, leaving him enough room so she wasn't brushed up against any cuts and kissed his cheek, reaching up to ruffle his hair like she normally does, before quickly redirecting her arm so it was around his shoulder, immediately knowing her mistake. They both saw it, Sirius’ face dropping and he turned his head down to his lap, desperate to draw the attention away from his bald, cursed head. Remus looked at him sadly, and grabbed his wand. He lived up to his thoughts the night he saw Sirius, and had gone to the library the next morning, and every morning after that until he found the spell that he hoped would work. Whispering the spell, he waved his wand and watched and Sirius’ hair started to slowly grow back, slowly being the key word, as Sirius clearly hadn’t even noticed yet. Lily did and she gasped loudly looking between Remus and Sirius’ head, who laughed breathlessly. Sirius looked up confused and he saw the grins on his friends face as they gazed up at his head. His hands quickly went up to his scalp to find...hair? He was confused and grabbed the mirror on the bedside table and watched as small spikes of hair started growing up.

“It might take a while for it to go back to the length it was before-” Remus couldn’t get the words out as Sirius was suddenly on him in an instant, grinning widely tears streaming down his face. Both boys sighed. They hadn’t hugged each other in months. Sirius gripped onto him as tightly as he could whispering thank you over and over again. Remus just smiled at the boy and then picked his eyes up and caught Lily’s gaze. She just looked at him and softly shook her head before placing down all of the food she had brought him and soundlessly left the room. They hugged for what felt like months until Sirius finally pulled away, looking down at his bandages making sure none of his stitches had split.

“How come you have stitches? Didn’t Pomfrey just use a healing spell or even a potion?” he heard Remus ask, confusion in his voice.

“Well...they didn’t know what curse Snape had used on me. She tried everything but nothing worked. I reckon he’s the only one who knows what the spell is and I doubt he’d give it up to me when he bloody used the curse on me…” Sirius rambled on, stopping when he realized how fast he was talking. “Sorry.” he mumbled sheepishly. 

He heard Remus laugh before he was pulled into another hug. “Merlin i’ve missed you!” he heard him whisper into his newly growing hair. They stayed hugging, not talking to each other, just sitting in comfortable silence. That’s how James and Peter found them ten minutes later as they stumbled into the room shoving each other, both coming to a halt when they saw the two boys hugging. They looked at each other before diving into the hug, all of them laughing and cautiously pulling away when they felt Sirius tense up, before he pulled them all back down practically on top of him.

Yeah. They were gonna be alright.


End file.
